Changes

Let me give everyone a little background on why I have decided to start blogging. On Febuary 21, 2008 I was admitted to the icu of a near by hospital with a life threating illness. I had an infection in my heart that got into my loungs causing something called, ARDS, acute respitory distress sindrome. My loungs pretty much stopped working. At that time my husband was in Iraq. I lived 7 hours from my nearest relitive. Luckely I had a great friend who watch my children until my mom and dad came to get them. To make a long story short. The Army sent my hubby home and I of course made it. But knowing how close I was to dying and leaving my husband and kids at only 27 has changed my whole look on life.

I don't let the screaming and fighting of our children get to me anymore. I love to just sit and watch my kids play. My husband often catches my just staring at him. I'm not sure why I do it. It's like I'm trying to burn all the memories into my brain. I am so scared that I will get sick like I was before and my body is weak from the first and I will die. My doctor says this is totally normal and it will pass with time. But I have to wonder how do you get past something like this? How can I not worry every day that I might get sick again and leave my family? I guess this is just something I need to take up with a higher power then myself.